Two football player

Two football players were taking an important final exam.If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week.The exam was fill-in-the-blank.

The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _________."

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder.

"Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?"

Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba.

"Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm."

"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now."

He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"

"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

Cell Phone

A group of men are sitting in a sauna discussing business and stocks when suddenly a cellular phone rings.
"Hi honey, are you at the club?"
"Yes, dear."
"Honey you won't believe this but I'm standing in front of Giovannis and there's a beautiful mink on sale in the window."
"How much is it, dear?"
"They're giving it away. Only $5000. Can you believe it?"
"But you already have fur coats?"
"Please dear it's absolutely exquisite!"
"Fine, fine go ahead and buy it!"
"Thank you sweetheart. Oh, not to keep you much longer, I passed by the Mercedes dealership this morning and saw their new convertible. It was to die for! I talked to the salesman and the one in the showroom is brand new, leather seats, power everything, gold colored. What do you think??"
"Honey, come on, we already have cars!"
"You promised me that I could get a convertible!"
"How much is it?"
"You won't believe it but he said he'd let us have it for $85,000 fully loaded with all the options!!!"
"OK, OK, go ahead and purchase it!"
"I love you, you're the best husband a wife could ask for. I hope I'm not pushing it, but remember our trip we took to Paris? Remember the Brown's place with the swimming pool, tennis courts? It's on the market to be sold. I saw it this morning at the Real Estate agency. If we bought it we would have a perfect place to stay during the cold winter months!!!"
"I had actually thought about it. You say it's on the market?"
"Really, you were actually thinking about it? Can I go make an offer on it? You know it's not listed very high, and It would be perfect for our type of lifestyle!!"
"How much is it listed at?"
"Only $425,000 sweetheart. It's a steal!"
"I guess we've got money put away. Go ahead and make an offer but no more than $415,000."
"This is turning out to be a great day! Can't wait to see you later tonight to celebrate!!!"
"See you tonight dear."
The man hangs up the cellular phone and asks, "So, who's phone is this?"

Important tips

1) Answer the phone by LEFT ear.

2) Do not drink coffee TWICE a day.

3) Do not take pills with COOL water.

4) Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm.

5) Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume.

6) Drink more WATER in the morning, less at night.

7) Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS.

8) Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time.

9) Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning.

10) Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping.

11) When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the Phone as the radiation is 1000 times.

20 Fact

1. In Kentucky, 50 percent of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers.
2. Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during W.W.I
3. Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded.
4. In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles.
5. About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it.
6. You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in any other weather.
7. An average person laughs about 15 times a day.
8. Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
9. Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.
10. The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.
11. A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m.p.h.
12. The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500's.
13. The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C.
14. A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee.
15. The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is.
16. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
17. The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.
18. In 1980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones - Bhutan.
19. Every person has a unique tongue print.
20. Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does.

Apek

I was looking for an empty space to park my car at Bangsar when suddenly there's a knock on the glass

>"Encik ah..tanya sikit ah..itu Chimpeng mana ah..?"
>"Apa?"
>"Chimpeng, Chimpeng...saya sudah tanya itu guard ah.. dia ckaap sini ada satu Chimpeng..."
>"Sorrylah Apek. Saya tak tau woh...Apa tempat itu Chimpeng?"
>"Aiyah...itu Chimpeng balu punya..Saya mau pigi angkat wang la..."
>"Tarak tau la boss. Itu kedai ka apa?Along ka?"
>"Chimpeng bukan kedai ma..lu itu pun tak tau ah..? itu Chimpeng macam itu Maypeng, Public Peng, RHetB Peng...itu balu punya Peng."
>Adoi...bengap punya apek..buat aku pening je..dia actually cari CIMB Bank ..

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